


Severance

by FawnChara



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Conditioned Responses, Dissociation, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, No explicit scenes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro (Voltron)-centric, dark themes, everyone loves Shiro and wants him to get better, irresponsible discussions, set during season 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29810478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FawnChara/pseuds/FawnChara
Summary: “Shiro, please,” Keith insisted, taking a step closer and grabbing his flesh arm. “Is what Allura said true?”“About the sexual assault? Yeah, it’s true,” Shiro said lightly, the words leaving his mouth as easy as though he were talking about the weather. Looks like his usual brain-to-mouth filter was offline.Great.---Shiro is recovered after being taken prisoner by the Galra. While being tortured, he unlocks memories he'd rather have remained buried. Allura and the Paladins mean well, but their confrontation leaves him spiraling and revealing more than he would have liked.
Relationships: Allura & Shiro (Voltron), Shiro & Voltron Paladins, past: Galra/Shiro
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	Severance

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I've had in the works for a while. I mused "what's the worst thing that could have happened to Shiro as the Champion?" and this was the result. Allura POV in the beginning, then Shiro POV.
> 
> For reference:  
> Quintant ~ day (1 quintant = 20 vargas : 1.167 days = 28 hours)  
> Deca-Phoeb ~ year

“Princess...”

Allura was barely paying attention to her advisor, hands poised and typing wildly at the screen before her. She was quite occupied with relaying the latest news to their coalition, that Voltron had liberated yet another planet from Galra rule. There was news that she kept private from them; that Shiro had just recently been found after being taken hostage by some retreating Galra stragglers during the fight.

“Princess,” Coran began again, clearing his throat. “There’s something Shiro has brought to my attention, which I feel would be best for you to know as well.”

Allura did take pause at that; typically Coran jokingly referred to him as ‘number one’, so for him to call Shiro by first name... well, there must be a good reason. 

“Go on,” Allura prompted, sitting up slightly. 

“Well-“ Coran cut off, clearing his throat again. He seemed more nervous than usual; very unlike him. “Shiro mentioned that the Galra, well, _abused_ him...”

Allura blinked. “Yes, he spoke of the torture he was subjected to.” Shiro had already given everyone the briefing after his rescue, catching them up to speed. The Galra had apparently tortured Shiro in an attempt to pry information from him, although he managed to remain silent even under duress. He received only minor injuries from what they could tell, nothing critical, though a slightly wounded Shiro had the other paladins insisting he spend some time in the healing pod. But Shiro being Shiro, of _course_ he had protested at being put under. A sharp look from Allura had his jaw snapping shut as he reluctantly climbed into the healing pod. He remained in stasis now, although Allura knew he should be fully healed and out at any moment. “What about it?”

“The abuse was not just physical, it was sexual too,” Coran bluntly stated, wincing despite himself.

This time Allura felt the wind was knocked from her. “What?” she whirled. That was certainly news to her. “Those filthy Galra mongrels _dared_ to touch him like that, a Paladin of Voltron?!” Her blue eyes flashed angrily. She was still livid that one of her Paladins had been snatched right out from under her nose. It was her fault, her lapse of judgment that allowed Shiro to be taken from the battlefield in the first place. She deflated slightly, turning to face Coran with sad eyes. “Why didn’t he mention it earlier?”

Coran gave her a sympathetic look. He must have known exactly what she was thinking. “Well, the only reason he brought it up in the first place is he was concerned about something he called ‘space AIDS’. While I didn’t know what he meant initially, I understood as he finally alluded to rape...” Coran trailed off with a frown, eyes downcast. “He asked me to scan his body before being put in cryosleep. I treated what I could, and the pod will take care of the rest. I’ll scan him again later, to make sure there are no lingering diseases from the Galra.”

Allura grimaced. 

Coran’s expression mirrored hers. “I know it sounds bad, Princess, but please don’t take this all upon yourself. He’ll be just fine. It’s not your fault, after all.” His head bowed slightly. Coran had been in charge of backing them up from the castle, delivering periodic blows to divert the Galra’s attention. “If only I had noticed sooner, I could’ve-”

_“Coran.”_

Allura met his eyes in a steady gaze. She had been the one to make the plans to raid the Galra camps on Laxnia, to liberate the inhabitants and gain another ally for Voltron. The Paladins launched in their Lions, blasting through the enemy’s defenses, forcing them to retreat further into the planet. With the massive, dense forest covering Laxnia, and the Galra taking refuge in the maze of natural tunnels within the planet, the Lions had a tough time navigating the terrain. Allura had made the call for the Paladins to disembark and approach the enemy on foot. _Her call_ had led to Shiro being taken. The responsibility of the Paladins’ well being rested on her shoulders alone. She would not allow Coran to be plagued by regret.

“This is by no means your fault.”

“The same is true for you, Princess,” Coran countered with a small, sad smile.

As much as Allura wanted to tell him he was _wrong,_ that _it’s all her fault,_ she had to reign in her guilt and focus on what truly mattered. “Is Shiro okay?”

Coran sighed. “He didn’t seem too distressed about it when he told me. I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or not.”

“...He _wasn’t_ distressed?” Allura echoed, blinking in surprise. She could understand why Shiro hadn’t brought it up at the briefing; the rest of the Paladins were present, and they’re still children, after all. He probably didn’t want them looking at him differently with the knowledge of what he went through. Yet to not discuss it with a superior… Was it shame? Humiliation? What was keeping him from confiding in her?

“No, he was more worried about any diseases he got than anything else,” Coran replied, concern lacing his tone.

Biting her lip, Allura’s fingers rhythmically rapped on the chair’s arm in thought. Shiro had chosen to remain quiet about the sexual assault, but had openly discussed the torture. Not in-depth, but a simple enough acknowledgment that it had taken place. For just over two quintants. Two full quintants Shiro had been in their filthy claws. 

She felt sick. 

“Curse them,” Allura muttered, gripping the chair to steady herself. “Curse those Galra bastards. They will pay for what they have done to Shiro.”

“I second that,” Coran murmured, eyes lit with determination. “We won’t let them get away with this.” 

_Good._

An abrupt beeping jolted them out of their discussion, Coran reaching for his pad. He typed a few things out, head snapping up as he met Allura’s expectant gaze. “Looks like number one is ready to wake up.”

“That’s a relief…” she trailed off in sudden realization. “How do I bring this up to him? Does he even _want_ to talk about it?”

“He didn’t give me any details, but then again, we only briefly went over it before I put him under. It doesn’t help that number one’s always been a private person,” Coran reminded gently. 

“While that may be true, I cannot simply pretend it didn’t happen. I need to make sure he’s okay, and is in a good mental place,” Allura insisted. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what Shiro had been through. She had been taken at one point as well, locked up by the Galra, yet they had done nothing of this magnitude to her.  
  


“Right, well, only one way to know for sure.” Coran tucked his pad away, heading for the door. “Let’s go wake him up.”

Allura really should have expected it. When she and Coran arrived at the med bay, the four other Paladins were already present. They looked up expectantly, eyes bright as Coran told them it’s time. Lance fixed her with a look, and Allura quickly straightened her posture, quelling her rising nerves. She had to watch herself around him; Lance was more perceptive than people typically gave him credit for. Lance merely raised a brow, but didn’t outright question her as he focused on the pod rising from the ground. The doors opened and steam escaped, Shiro gradually blinking to wakefulness. His eyes immediately widened as he sat up in sudden alarm, but he quickly settled upon seeing familiar faces around him. 

“Hey guys,” Shiro said with a grin. His voice cracked slightly, but his tone was light. “What’d I miss?”

“Shiro!!” Hunk and Lance shouted in unison, relief evident on their smiling faces. 

“Thank god you’re okay!” Pidge cried out. 

“Glad to have you back, number one.” Coran passed him a glass of water, and Shiro smiled, gratefully gulping it down and clearing his throat. “Mind if I finish up your scans?”

Shiro’s eyes darted to the other Paladins in sheer _panic_ before he swallowed the emotion entirely, flashing Coran another easygoing smile. “Sure, go for it.” That flicker of emotion was brief, and if Allura hadn’t been paying attention she would have missed it entirely. She was sure Lance had caught it too, judging by the way he shifted uneasily next to her.

“We were so worried,” Pidge whined, rushing up to Shiro’s side as he laid back down for Coran to examine him. 

“I’m sorry I worried y- _ow!_ Hey,” Shiro mumbled, wincing as Keith punched his arm. 

“Don’t you _dare_ try to apologize for something that isn’t your fault,” Keith snarled.

“Easy there, mullet,” Lance chided, earning him a growl from Keith and successfully directing his attention away from Shiro. _Clever, Lance._ The two began bickering as normal, and Allura settled at their antics. Usually, they were annoying. Now, their arguing was a comfort. Shiro was back, and everything would be back to normal soon enough.

“Good news!” Coran announced, interrupting the senseless bickering. “The pod fixed everything up, you’re all good to go, number one. No lingering problems.”

Shiro sat up slowly, giving Coran a knowing look. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“No thanks necessary,” Coran replied, lips pressed in a thin smile. 

Despite their conversation earlier, it seemed Coran was still holding onto some guilt himself. Allura would have to hold another discussion with him to clear up any remaining hang-ups, though that would come in time. Shiro was currently her first priority. 

Shiro got up, Keith clapping him on the shoulder before bringing the taller into a hug. It was rare for the red paladin to initiate physical contact, and Shiro returned it gladly. Releasing Keith, he turned to Allura.

Allura forced herself to relax, giving him what she hoped was a warm smile. (She was sure it didn’t reach her eyes.) “Glad to see you up, how do you feel?”

“Better,” Shiro replied simply. He stretched out his arms, bones creaking and sighing pleasantly as several pops could be heard, while his right emitted small, mechanical whirs. 

“You’ll feel _much_ better after you try my newest dish!” Hunk announced brightly. “I modeled it off of curry, though my limited spice options gave me some grief…”

“I’m sure it’ll be delicious,” Shiro assured with another easy smile.

With that, they all headed to the dining room, chowing down on Hunk’s meal and laughing and joking as they normally would. Which was odd, and the more that Allura watched him, the more _normal_ Shiro seemed. It was as though the past two quintants never even happened, as though he hadn’t been subjected to physical and sexual torture at the hands of the enemy. Here Shiro was, eating his food and conversing with the other Paladins as he always had. If Coran hadn’t told her about the rape, Allura would have had no idea herself.

As meal time winded down, Shiro excused himself, grabbing his plate and taking it to be cleaned. Allura eyed the plate, and while he had eaten, it was certainly less than usual. He said his goodbyes, and headed off in the direction of the training room. 

Allura turned back to the table with a sigh, startling slightly as Lance stared directly at her. “You alright, Princess?”

“Of course,” Allura replied, a touch too quick to be entirely believable. 

Lance frowned, clearly unsatisfied with her answer. “You sure? You were staring daggers into Shiro all throughout dinner.”

That seemed to catch Keith’s attention, the boy always invested whenever Shiro’s name was even mentioned in a conversation. “You want to apologize, don’t you?”

Allura jolted at his question. He wasn’t exactly wrong, but she also wanted to talk to him about what he went through. Not like she could just tell Keith that. “I do,” Allura admitted, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Readying her words, she met each Paladin’s eyes seriously. “I need to apologize for my inability to keep him safe. And, I need to apologize to you all. You shouldn’t have to question your safety under my command, I won’t allow anything like this to ever happen again.”

Pidge frowned. “Allura, this isn’t your fault. The Lions couldn’t do much from the surface, and we all agreed with your call. I’m sure Shiro feels the same way.”

“Exactly,” Hunk agreed. “Sure, he got kidnapped. Not exactly a fun way for him to spend two days, but we got him back!”

Yeah, sure. Two quintants where they tried desperately to figure out where he was taken. Pidge had finally managed to remotely hack in and track the signal from Shiro’s robotic arm, and Allura immediately warped the castle within one klick of his location. With the four remaining Paladins in their Lions, they had rescued Shiro and destroyed the Galra ship that had imprisoned him. He wasn’t in the best shape when Keith had found him, wearing prisoner rags and exposed skin red with his own blood. 

Allura shuddered at the memory. 

“Shiro’s back and he’s fine. Plus, he even laughed at my joke at dinner!” Lance said in an awe-filled voice.

“How can he possibly be fine after what they-” Allura choked on a breath, realizing she spoke aloud. The Paladins looked to her worriedly.

“When they... _what?”_ Pidge asked, brows furrowing. 

“Never mind,” she replied quickly. “I should check in with him though, see if he needs anything.” Allura stood, ignoring the Paladins’ and Coran’s worried gazes boring into her back as she headed out after Shiro. 

* * *

Shiro was minding his own business, methodically stretching out his limbs on the mats in the training room. He was eager to begin working out already, but his time in the healing pod had left his body feeling tense, muscles strained. It was best to thoroughly stretch before he accidentally tore something.

Legs in a wide ‘V’, Shiro reached forward, inner thighs feeling tight and stiff. Still, his innate flexibility allowed him to stretch all the way forward, forehead resting on the mat as he mentally counted to ten. Then he got up on his elbows, shifting his legs slightly to stretch out his middle splits. His legs spread with ease, and again Shiro counted to ten and changed positions once more. 

It was easy to get lost in the rhythm of his stretches, and Shiro found his mind was pleasantly occupied with the simple monotony of his warm up. Just as he settled in his right splits, a voice startled him.

“You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

He’d jolted slightly at the words, too lost in his motions to have been actively watching out for anyone else. He disguised the flinch by leaning forward again, as though he had meant to do that all along. Shiro glanced up, finding Princess Allura leaning casually in the doorway. Well, it would be casual if she hadn’t stood rigid as a bow. 

“It’s good to stretch my muscles after being in the pod,” Shiro replied with a shrug, arching his back in the splits and grabbing onto his back leg. “It just feels good to be moving again.”

“Understandable, after everything you went through…” Allura trailed off, and Shiro sat up properly to glance at her. She seemed terribly nervous, crystal eyes clouded with concern. She wrung her hands as though unable to keep them still.

“Are you all right, Princess? You seem a bit pale,” Shiro questioned, hauling himself to his feet and taking a few steps closer to the Altean. 

Her blue eyes flashed. “Am _I_ all right… quiznak. Are _you_ all right, Shiro?”

“...Of course,” Shiro blinked, surprised. He’d already told them all just that. Even after he’d been rescued, Shiro had refused to be immediately put in the healing pod, opting instead to brief everyone. Only after their talk did he allow himself to be put under. 

“Honest? You’re truly fine?” Allura pressed.

Shiro snorted, but allowed a smile to form on his lips. “One hundred percent, Princess.”

“Glad to hear it.” The Princess gave him a tight-lipped smile. Clearly she wasn’t finished yet. “Shiro, I- I can’t tell you how sorry I am-“

Shiro winced. He honestly should have expected this. “Princess... Allura, _please._ You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“I made the call for everyone to disembark on foot, if I hadn’t, then-“

“If you _hadn’t,”_ Shiro parroted, “then Laxnia might still be under the Galra’s control. We all agreed with your call, it was the right decision. If anything, it’s my fault for letting them get the jump on me. I should be the one apologizing to you for worrying everyone and making you waste time looking for me.” His gaze had drifted down as he spoke, hoping Allura wasn’t upset with him. He’d really let her down, he’d let them _all_ down by his own inability to fend for himself. It was embarrassing, really. Pathetic. Completely unbecoming of a Voltron Paladin.

Realizing Allura had gotten quiet, Shiro braved a glance at her. Her countenance was one of complete shock, jaw hanging slightly agape. If not for the severity of the situation, her expression might have been comical. She cleared her throat awkwardly, shifting uncomfortably in place.

“How backwards, for you to try and apologize to _me,_ of all people…” Allura let out a humorless laugh. 

Shiro raised a brow, feeling more than a little uncomfortable himself. He’d had a feeling that a talk like this was coming, but he hadn’t been expecting it so _soon._ He’d barely had time to process his own thoughts after the past few days.

“Coran… he, he told me what you told him,” Allura finally said in a rush. 

Oh. 

_Ohhhh._

So that’s what this was truly about.

“I see,” Shiro replied, voice void of emotion. His hands formed fists at his sides. 

“You can confide in me, you know,” Allura mentioned softly. “You don’t have to just see me as a superior. If you’re having trouble opening up to the other Paladins as your subordinates, you can open up to me, as a friend.”

Shiro closed his eyes, taking a few steadying, deep breaths. When he opened them, he felt much more focused. Present. Slightly spacey, but present enough. “Thank you, Allura. I really appreciate it.” He didn’t want to talk about it, honestly. Of course he appreciated her concern, but he still couldn’t go through with her offer. Despite the promising offer of friendship, she was still his superior, one he couldn’t have looking at him with any more pity than she did at that moment. 

When he didn’t continue, Allura began fiddling with her hands nervously. “I was curious as to why you didn’t bring it up at the briefing, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Not at all,” Shiro said with a flippant wave of his hand, hoping his light tone could diffuse the tension, if even slightly. This he didn’t particularly mind discussing. “I didn’t mention it earlier because it wasn’t relevant. It was just another part of the torture.”

Allura frowned. That clearly wasn’t the answer she was expecting. “Would you ever have brought it up, if not for seeking Coran’s help?”

Shiro merely shrugged. “Probably not.”

Her hands tightened into fists. “We should talk this out, it’s best not to bottle it up.”

It was his turn to frown. “That’s really not necessary, Princess.”

“How is it not?!” Allura cried, face twisting with obvious _hurt._ “How can you have nothing to say after they sexually assaulted you for two full q-”

_“WHAT?!”_

The booming shout caught them both off guard, none other than Keith stomping purposefully into the training room towards them. In the doorway, Shiro could see the other wide-eyed Paladins poking their heads into the room. 

They’d all been listening in.

_Fuck._

The red Paladin marched straight up to him, and Shiro sent a silent prayer of _thanks_ to whichever God allowed him to meet Keith’s burning gaze without physically flinching. 

“What did they do to you?” he snarled. His tone left no room for half-baked lies. 

“Keith!” Allura gasped in shock. As she finally noticed the other Paladins, she paled. “...How much did you hear?”

“Everything after the apologies part...” Pidge murmured, lifting her glasses to wipe at her misty eyes.

So, basically everything.

Shiro felt the panic swell in his gut, ice spreading through his veins. _(They know, they know… they won’t be able to look at me the same.)_ His mechanical arm whirred noisily from how tightly clenched his fists were. Before he could spiral further, Shiro closed his eyes. He removed himself from the situation and focused on his breath. (Breathe in: _two, three, four,_ out: _two, three, four.)_

He was more or less present when he opened them again. He still felt a little floaty, but it would probably help with the difficult conversation to come. (It was _way_ too late to lie to them at this point.) Keith was still standing impatiently before him, mullet acting as hackles raised like an angry kitten. The mental image was cute, and as Keith’s expression soured Shiro realized that he’d accidentally _smiled_ at the younger. Oops.

“Shiro, please,” Keith insisted, taking a step closer and grabbing his flesh arm. “Is what Allura said true?”

“About the sexual assault? Yeah, it’s true,” Shiro said lightly, the words leaving his mouth as easy as though he were talking about the weather. Looks like his usual brain-to-mouth filter was offline. Great.

Several gasps echoed around him at his blunt statement, though Shiro didn’t really care at the moment. It wasn’t as though he was going to _lie_ to them, after all. And with his current, light headspace, Shiro found himself feigning ambivalence and successfully avoiding all the anxiety and terror he would have experienced otherwise. It would undoubtedly make him say things he’ll regret later, but for now it was the best he could function being put on the spot as he was.

The rest of the Paladins had entered the room at some point, forming a loose circle around him, _Shiro didn’t even notice them move-_

The hand on his arm tightened. Keith leaned in slightly, and in a whisper asked, “Shiro, are you here right now?”

He considered the question with a hum, giving a single nod. “Mostly.”

“I’m terribly sorry Shiro, I didn’t realize they were listening in,” Allura said quickly, glaring coldly at the closest Paladin, Lance, who flinched. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. It’s too late now anyways,” Shiro assured with a casual shrug. 

“...We wouldn’t have known at all,” Hunk said with dawning realization. “You acted the same, even at dinner.”

Shiro suppressed a sigh. That was kind of the point; to get straight back into their daily routine, to slip back into normalcy without missing a beat. “It’s fine Hunk, really. You all managed to get me back, I’m okay thanks to everyone’s hard work.”

“This isn’t a fucking group huddle after a sparring match,” Keith snapped, temper flaring. “How can you just be _‘okay’_ after they hurt you like that?!”

“It doesn’t matter that they used my body,” Shiro said without inflection, barely maintaining enough control to avoid flinching at his own words. “I mean, if I wasn’t mentally present, then what does it matter?”

“Oh, _Shiro-”_

It was Allura that choked on her words, voice wet with emotion. Eyes wide and glossy, she covered her mouth with a trembling, delicate hand. The rest of the Paladins were either fixing Shiro with looks of pity or avoiding eye contact with him entirely. Everyone’s body language _screamed_ uncomfortable. 

Shiro couldn’t comprehend their emotions; he was confused as to what he had possibly done to upset them now. They had clearly been expecting some kind of mental breakdown from him, to scream and cry and lash out, but his assertion that he was fine just left them... oddly defeated.

“Am I missing something here?” Shiro asked, voice clipped. He straightened his posture, crossing his arms. “I’m fine, I’m telling you all that there’s nothing to worry about. The pod healed all my injuries too. Whatever happened _happened,_ it’s over, I’m _fine.”_

Even Keith winced at that. “Shiro... they sexually assaulted you. That’s not something you can just immediately ‘be fine’ from.” As he spoke, that familiar fire lit up in his eyes. His gaze bore into Shiro, directly challenging his words.

Shiro suppressed a groan of frustration; he hated it when Keith gave him that look. He was always so much more difficult to deal with then. “Look, I really don’t know how else to say this. They hurt my body, but I had already mentally checked out. It’s like I wasn’t even there,” Shiro said in a rush, exasperation leaking into his tone. “So, no harm done.”

The room quieted at that, his words finally sinking in. 

Keith’s frown deepened. “Shiro, that’s…”

“No harm done? That’s _incredibly_ unhealthy!” Hunk all but shouted. As everyone fixed him with a look at his volume, Hunk ducked his head. “Sorry. But it’s true! I’m really sorry Shiro... I’m sorry that that’s how your mind had to respond to cope with such a stressful situation.”

“You _really_ shouldn’t be ‘mentally checked out’ when bad things happen,” Pidge mumbled. 

“Hunk and Pidge are right,” Allura agreed. “If your mind feels the need to disconnect from your body to escape and avoid stress, then we should try to find alternate solutions to help you.”

“We love you Shiro, we just want you to be safe and happy,” Lance assured with a tentative smile. 

God.

He loved the other paladins, but this was a little bit too much. He felt lightheaded from the conversation, feeling as though he were drifting further and further away the more this dragged on. What could he possibly say to escape?

Shiro gave a weak shrug. “It always made it easier on me.”

He could practically see the gears turning in Keith’s mind. “...What do you mean by ‘always’?”

The others stiffened, seeming to catch onto his peculiar wording. _Damn._ That was clearly the wrong thing to say. His mistake. It was getting more difficult to respond properly the more he drifted away. 

“It was familiar,” Shiro replied simply. 

Keith’s eyes narrowed once more. “Familiar how?”

“This wasn’t the first time the Galra have hurt you like this,” Pidge stated softly, teary eyes meeting his. 

Ah, leave it to one of the smarter Paladins to save him the trouble of saying it out loud. He gave a single nod for confirmation.

“Why the _hell_ are you smiling?” Keith snapped suddenly, almost desperately, Shiro blinking in minute surprise. Sure, he had been relieved Pidge had beat him to the punch, though he didn’t expect that feeling to be reflected in his expression. 

Shiro shrugged again. “Pidge is right. My body remembered from the time I was their champion.” During the briefing after his rescue, he’d already told them how the Galra had used a device to disable his prosthetic arm, and without its use while being chained up he was unable to escape on his own. In such a situation with his body already knowing how it felt to be used… his mind had drifted elsewhere to keep from crumbling. It was mere self-preservation. 

He fixed the others with a smile. “I’m over it.”

They obviously wanted to press, but Shiro was having none of it. 

“I’ll be in my room,” he said shortly, absconding from the awful situation. He really hadn’t wanted to talk about his experiences, but the way they cornered him seemed to loosen his lips. If it had gone on any longer, who knows what other terrible things might have left his mouth, words that would cut the paladins and Allura and further change their perception of him. 

Well, their view of him might already be ruined. He’d already done enough damage for one day. 

Sighing, Shiro entered his room, flopping heavily down onto the bed. He had originally wanted to exercise, do some light training to get his mind off of the past few days and work out some pent up energy from his time in the pod. Yet now he felt boneless, sapped of all energy and strength. His mind was still floating off in a haze with nothing to ground him to the present.

He must have drifted off at some point, as a timid knock on his door had his eyes fluttering open slowly. He sat up, disoriented, but felt better after having been unconscious. After remembering more of his time as a Galra prisoner, he hadn’t been looking forward to sleeping. Luckily, he’d been so exhausted he skipped dreaming entirely. 

The knock sounded again.

“Come in.” Shiro said, clearing his throat.

The door slid open, revealing an unusually timid-looking princess.

Shiro quickly tried to stand, nearly stumbling as his legs snagged the blanket before she held up a hand. “No need to get up, let’s sit and talk.”

Reluctantly, Shiro sank down onto the edge of the bed once more. Allura pulled up an extra chair, sitting relatively close but still giving him space. It could be deemed considerate, though it was a mere illusion that he wasn’t currently trapped.

“I want to start off by saying how terribly sorry I am,” Allura began, meeting his eyes evenly. “In my concern for you I rushed into things, and allowed the other paladins to overhear… I’m sure you would have preferred to have avoided that.”

“Well, you’re not exactly wrong,” Shiro admitted truthfully. He’d much rather have kept the sexual assault between Coran and himself. With everyone now knowing, he was certain they’d look at him differently. It would suck, but he’d have to keep it together as usual. “But there’s nothing that can be done about it now.”

Allura grimaced. “I’m so-”

This time Shiro cut her off. “It’s fine, Princess. I don’t blame you for anything.” This was also true. If he had been more alert in the tunnels on Laxnia, he wouldn’t have been taken by the Galra in the first place. Though since it happened, he remembered more from his time as the champion. These were horrible, vivid memories, triggered by being tied up and taken, his instinctive response to go limp and let it happen. His reactions had made it painfully clear that he’d been assaulted many times before. What to do with that knowledge, however, he had no idea. 

“I can’t even begin to imagine what you have gone through…” her voice broke slightly towards the end, Allura quickly bringing up a trembling hand to wipe at her misty eyes. “Not just from the past two quintants, but from your deca-phoeb of imprisonment as well.”

“If it helps, I don’t remember all of it. Just bits and pieces.” How he ended up being the one to comfort the princess, he wasn’t entirely sure. “I just know that it happened.” Enough for his body to have been physically conditioned.

“It must have helped you then, severing your mind from your body,” she murmured softly.

He nodded slowly. 

Her gown wrinkled under her grip. “Are you alright? A foolish question, I know, but are you truly as okay as you say?”

He gave a small smile. “Of course, Princess.” His first lie. But he knew in the grand scheme of things, his mental health didn’t matter in the slightest. He was strong, he could take it (and apparently he _had,_ countless times before). Their mission for the greater good of the universe was so much bigger than his turbulent, insignificant feelings. He was well aware of the logical fallacies within his own thinking; if he was deemed important as the leader of Voltron, were his emotions not _also_ important, by default? But he couldn’t waste time agonizing over specifics. 

Allura worried her lip between her teeth, clearly unsure whether to believe him or not. 

Shiro sighed, raking his natural hand through his hair. “Besides, better me than one of the kids.”

She sucked in a sharp breath. 

Any of the other paladins could have been caught off guard, pistol-whipped on the back of the head in a sneak attack. They could have been in the same situation as him, a thought that would likely haunt him more than going through the experience himself. 

“I see…” Allura said, voice strained. 

A weighted silence hung over their heads. 

“The other paladins are just as worried for you as I am,” she said gently. He already knew. He certainly didn’t need her telling him that. “Keith was pacing the halls when I came in.”

Shiro snorted. He could definitely see him doing that. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Good.” Allura finally smiled, likely relieved that if he wouldn’t confide in her, he at least would with Keith. (He wouldn’t, but she didn’t have to know that.) “I’ll go ahead and give you some privacy, perhaps you can get some sleep.” The _‘you look like you need it’_ went mercifully unsaid. 

She stood, straightening out her dress before heading towards the door. She hesitated, turning back to Shiro with a strained smile. “If you need anything at all, feel free to ask.”

“Thanks Princess,” Shiro replied on autopilot. “I will.”

The automatic door _swooshed_ as she finally left, and Shiro was once more alone with his thoughts. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know they love Shiro, but they shouldn't have crowded him as they did. They should have given him time and space to come to them, but Shiro being Shiro that never would have happened. In both their cases, this is irresponsible handling of mental disorders stemming from physical and sexual abuse.  
> This chapter was mainly hurt, while the next will be focused on comfort. Lord knows Shiro needs some damn comfort in his life.


End file.
